The Smile From No Where

Today, I smiled. Not a fake little smile that comes becase it's expected, but a real one. As I smiled tears fell down my face. I was sad, true. But nonetheless the smile was real.

I smiled today because I was texting your best friend. He told me that he knew I loved you. He also told me that you had informed him of us. You told him you really liked me. I smiled because I now knew you wernt lying. I cried because I know you don't feel the same anymore.

I smiled today. I began to love myself again. The only reason I ever stopped was because I felt you never really did. Now I know. You still don't, that hurts. But you did. There were all those times, all the talks, that were true. So you were true to me then too.

I am beautiful. I am skinny. I am funny. I am a great person. They are simply jelous or just generally mean. I am better then them. I am amazing. And you...you loved me. <3

Elodie -n- Kirbi

It's been a while since I blogged. In fact, it's been too long. Not too much has happened though to blog about! Unless you are interested in hearing about the endless days of rain we have had? I didnt think so. There is one thing I have a need to inform you all of though!! My friend and I have started a webshow on youtube. We also have a twitter account and an email. So go check it out!!
YOUTUBE :: http://www.youtube.com/user/ElodieAndKirbi
TWITTER:: http://twitter.com/ElodieAndKirbi
EMAIL:: elodieandkirbi@email.com

The Second Day

It's the second day of summer. Yesterday, I sat in Sharon's backyard and wondered how I would even make it through this summer. I was dreading it. The next two months were a shadow, looming over me in every step I took of every day. I escaped it only in my sleep, but always awoke to it again. But that was yestereday, that was then. Now, my perspective has slightly shifted. Summer 2010 is again looking bright.
The sun shines high in the sky today, with a cool, welcoming breeze shifting through the trees. Last night it happened, although in all technicalities it was actually very early this morning. He was there at sharons, and it seemed terrible at first, we barely talked. The words we did speak were strained; forced and cold. Slowly though, as the night wore one into the early beginnings of the next day, the forced words evaporated. What was left was just like old times. Fun, exciting. Full of laughter and joy. He became the same sweet guy he used to be, the one my friends say wouldn't be coming back ever. The light rays of hope flitted into my heart and brain. I only hope that they continue to glow as the summer wears on.

I Wish...

I wish I could be beautiful
Flawless and perfect.

I wish I could be beautiful
Inside and outside.

I wish I could be beautiful
Loved and wanted.

I wish I could be beautiful
Thin and curvy.

I wish I could be beautiful
Anything but me.

Happy Never After

My friends can keep telling me that I can`t find love this young, but I will never believe them.

I went the past five years not even believing love could exsist. I was firm in my decision. It was a fairy tale. Happy ever after? More like happy NEVER after. And then he came along.



I was introduced to him, and he acted cold. Which normally would be a turn off, but it made me curious. I also of course noticed his looks. Striking was my adjective of choice. I wanted to get to know him, figure out who he was, what he liked. I also quickly came to realize I wanted to know whether he could like me.

First we became friends. Started hanging out after school, in the evenings...It was the happiest I had been in a long time. We talked all the time, it became my constant reply when asked who I was texting. Slowly, he managed to peel back what seemed to be every layer of myself. He made me feel special. Like I was somebody. I still didnt believe in love, but he seemed determined to prove me wrong.

When we finally got together, everything just seemed right. He was my everything. And I knew that I couldnt deny it any longer. I completley, utterly, and unconditionally loved him. And for whatever reason, he loved me too...

I was happy. My friends hated my sickening, constant, love quotes and sayings and pictures. I adored them. I liked myself, I loved my boyfriend, and for the most part I enjoyed my life. When things got bad, I had him. I trusted him with my life, and my heart.

It ended. I cried, I screamed. I did everything that I could do in an attempt to make it stop hurting. I've realized now, that is doesnt stop hurting. It still hurts just as much today as it did the day we broke up. And I dont see the pain going away anytime soon. I made him my everything, and as a result, I am now left with nothing. But I wouldnt take any of it back for the world. He still has every part of me. He is still my everything, and I still love him and would do anything for him. I said forever and always. And that isnt going to end anytime soon.

You can tell me all you want that I dont love him. That we cant find love at this time in our lives. You're wrong. It may seem mean to put it so bluntly, but I dont care. Nothing anybody says will convince me that I dont feel for him the way I do. Over the time we were friends and together, he became my Stupid Hockey Player, and he will be that forever and always. Im in love with him, it's simple as that. Whether I'm broken or whole, happy or sad, mad or calm, depressed or overjoyed, busy or bored, he's alway on my mind, and he's always in my heart. No matter the things he does that annoy me or make me mad or hurt me, I still feel the same for him. I still want to be with him. You can tell me thats not love, but I cant think of a better expression for what love is then that.

You confuse me,
Hurt me,
Use me.
You say you want me,
Then leave me,
Taunt me.
You break me,
Lie to me,
Fake your love for me.
You dont need me,
Dont want me,
Only mislead me.
What do I do?
You have completley won.
You`re over me; I still love you...

I love editing photos, to make them express even more then they did to begin with. Whether it`s a photo I have taken, or on off the internet (such as this) ìt`s always fun to make them something more.